Resting On Laurels

Wanting to get all caught up is always a desire, but what to do with yourself when it happens is another thing entirely.

My full privileges have been reinstated, I graduated from Carrington last Friday, I took my final test through the school on Monday, and I went for jury duty, but wasn't placed on one. Whew!

My certificates from Carrington will be coming in the mail in 4 to 6 weeks, my NFPT results won't come in for two weeks, I need to get letters of recommendation from my extern site and have two dental appointments in November. I can't really look for a job in Oregon until I have my certificates and letters in hand, so until I get myself a temp job to save up for moving, I am pretty much just sitting on my ass. Bleh. 

For a while now, I've been doing well with informal witnessing and have made several placements in the past couple of months, but I am still just as bad about getting to the hall for service as ever. I've been praying about it and reading over the new tracts and the accompanying brochure so I am at least prepared. Now I just need to force myself to actually get out and do it.

Next month, on the 22nd, Jacob and I will be married a year! We are doing very well, better than I expected. He has been such a champ, sticking with a job he hates in order to provide for us and support me while going to school. Now it's my turn. I'm going to find a good job in Oregon and Jacob is going to take classes on whatever he decides.

We have good plans and the means to carry them out. I'm just not good with waiting.

When It Has Past

I have been reinstated. 

When the elders said they would sit down and speak with me, I didn't think it would happen. I was sure they would say I needed more time. I prayed to Jehovah over and over again to help me endure and keep my eye on the goal if He thought I needed more time. I was so worried that they would say: "We think you need more time."

Before I even went to the meeting, I asked Jehovah, that if there was anything I needed to work on, that would prevent me from being reinstated, to make it clear to me what it was so I might work on it. Nothing was made clear to me. Not in a big way, just some little things I need to work on, the way anyone does.

When they told me that I was clearly repentant and sorry for hurting Jehovah, that they were going to reinstate me and it would be announced on Thursday, (this coming Thursday) I didn't know how to react. I think I smiled and tried not to cry some more. Damn my girl eyeballs!

I still don't know how to react. I keep going back and forth between trying to go about my day and almost crying again. I feel anxious and limp from having a load removed from my heart. The elders told me to lie low until the announcement, that I would remain on restricted privileges for now, (no commenting or being on the school) but I was welcome out in the field service as soon as this coming Friday. I'll have to prepare a presentation and acquire a KM, been a while since I've had one of those.

I'm not going to tell anyone that I am reinstated until they announce it and is official. I worry about how some people will react to the news. I imagine it will separate those who truly love me from the ones who have some kind of hang up, if any react that way at all. I imagine ridiculous scenarios that will never come to pass, like I do about most things. Need to write more or something, my brain is starting to clutter with the nonsensical and dramatic. 

While meeting with the elders, I told them about the one time I wrecked a car when I was a teenager and how I haven't even had a fender bender since, that this disfellowshipping is my one car wreck in my life, (that I caused, anyhow) and that it was never going to happen again. 

I'm going to hold true to that.

The First Story

          What is a story? It is a telling of events, whether fictitious or true accounts. From the Bible to Grimm's Fairy Tales, from the newspaper to Facebook, storytelling has taken many forms.

Can we even document the number of tales the human race has invented or recounted over the millenniums? And as our knowledge of everything continues to grow, only more can come. 

Has anyone ever considered what stories would be told by the Angels? Or of the times before the Universe, when only Jesus and Jehovah were about? (Times, technically being incorrect, since the concept of time was created for us.) Or even before Jehovah decided to create anything at all?

What did Jehovah contemplate before his Son was there? Could we even fathom such a way of being?

What was Jesus' "Childhood" like? Did he play? Was the beginnings of creation his "Play"? Like a child learning from block letters, did Jehovah hand over to Jesus the raw materials of the Universe and slowly teach him how to build?

Like an only child yearning for brothers and sisters, did Jesus rejoice in the coming about of the angels, as a child does when such a wish is fulfilled?

What adventures did Jehovah, Jesus, and the angels have before we came into being? Did the angels help with the creative process of things in the cosmos? Did they help to shape and perfect our beautiful home world?

Have their adventures been put on hold during this time of duress? Or do they continue with the ones going on in their plane of existence? Would anything really need to be put on hold since their experience of time is probably nothing like our own? 

Since restrictions had to be put on the angels, due to Satan's influence, I think it is possible that routines established eons ago may have been disrupted in some ways.

Were the faithful sons of God angry at the ones who came down and took advantage of the women of Earth, thus banning the going back and forth between our world and theirs? Did they miss the association with man?

This may sound silly, but Jesus said we are one of the things he is most fond of. We were created to co-exist with the angels and they have been cut off from us. Though they are spirit beings, Jehovah said he made us in His image, and we have more in common with Angels than one might imagine.

And finally, even the greatest teaching tool from Jehovah himself is, in fact, a collection of stories for us to learn from.

I have little doubt that Jehovah, Jesus, and the Angels have many tales to tell. I look forward to hearing them.

I have survived yet another final and another LRA. I think I am going to get a 96 on the module because I got an A on the final and everyone thought my LRA was da bomb!

I didn't want everyone sitting around, bored out of their minds, while I droned on about some slide show I was presenting, so I made a game that got everyone involved.

This last module was Sports Injury and we were supposed to show something that had Who, What, When, Where and how we fixed the situation.

So I had ten characters:

                               Jedi, Superman, Queen of England, King Kong, etc.          

                                                                                                                          

  Ten places:

                             Volcano, Laundromat, Starbucks, Space station, etc.                                                                                    

Ten times:

                                    Dinosaur era, Bible times, 20s, Present, etc.

Ten injuries:

                           Detached retina, Bloody nose, Severed arm, Burn, etc.

And ten sports:

                                      Fencing, Ping Pong, Tug of War, Skiing, etc.

Rules:

30 seconds each to figure out who, what, where, when, and 1 minute to figure out how to fix it. Every right answer got a ticket. Whoever got the most tickets in the end won the prize. The prize being some homemade cookies.

One of the scenarios ended up being Superman, in the future, at the laundromat, with a bloody nose from playing tennis.

I acted out most of it, calling in volunteers to help me when needed and drawing the rest. One of the girls is really good at drawing, should have had her help more with that. It was fast paced and everyone seemed to have fun. The teacher thought it was awesome. 

Tomorrow, we are supposed to go into school, dressed up as rock stars. I don't have anything rock and roll themed in the least. I don't even have ripped jeans. What a dilemma. 

Jehovah is Irresistible.

In the Draw Close to Jehovah book, in the chapter under Divine Protection, there is this sentence: "He is "God Almighty"--a title indicating that he possesses irresistible power."

I looked up the word Irresistible in the dictionary and this is what it says:

ir·re·sist·i·ble

  [ir-i-zis-tuh-buhl] 

adjective

1.

not resistible; incapable of being resisted or withstood

2.

lovable, especially calling forth feelings of protective love

3.

enticing; tempting to possess

noun

4.

an irresistible person or thing.

                                   It is a word of power and love. How perfect.

While studying for meeting this Thursday, I realized something astounding:

Without going too much into the fact that Abraham and his son Isaac had the really bad habit of losing their wives to kings, (if your wife is that hot, put a bag over her head or something, jeesh!) Sarah must have been on an unearthly level of beautiful.

I say this because the first time she was taken, by the king of Egypt, she was between 65 and 70 years old, which, even by yesteryears standards, was pretty old.

Granted, she hadn't had kids yet, (you know, the whole barren thing,) and she lived a pretty cushy life. Yea, yea, she had to pack up and live in tents, but they were blessed by God in everything but children, so they were rich, very rich. 

And every time Sarah got taken by a king, they were given even more riches. So it's not as if she was having to milk her own cows or anything.

Okay, so no pregnancies and a softer lifestyle; I can see how she would still be hot enough to take by a king, got it.

BUT! When she was taken by the king of Philistine, (see that? The second time she was taken by a king. Come on Abraham, the whole "this is my sister" thing isn't working, try a new trick,) it was the same year she finally gave birth to Isaac, when she was a grand total of 90 years old.

All I have to say to this is: Damn girl!

You can argue that they lived a lot longer back then, and this is true, but she passed away 32 years after that so she was no Spring chicken. 

Even she acknowledged that she was old at the time when she overheard Jehovah telling Abraham that she would give birth to a child, laughing at the idea in fact.

All in all, this woman was extraordinary. She was an amazing example, a tough chickity, and apparently very, very hot.

I can't believe I'm a grown up. A genuine, boring grownup.

Do you know what I did today?

I sent several emails to several people, to set up several conference calls, for a committee I am on. So we can discuss an agenda for a different conference call, where the committee as a whole can discuss and vote on changes that can be brought before yet another committee that is higher up on the food chain.

I'm not even doing this for work! I'm still in school! What happened?

Or, the more important question, why do I keep saying yes?

"TJ, can you-"
"Yes! Yes I can!....Wait, you want me to what?"

I understand this is entirely my fault. But still. What happened?

Last and This Week.

Description of last week: Insane.

I am not exaggerating. The whole getting married thing took the cake but the week in general has been laced with varying layers of crazy.

Jacob and I went in to get married on Monday. Turns out the Justice of the Peace only does weddings on Tuesday and Friday evenings. So we bought the license and waited for Friday.

This was better because we needed to find two witnesses in order to get married and Jacob's friends were able to help us out.

We arrive ten minutes late and realize, at the door, that we had left the license at Jacob's place. Because we're awesome like that.

I did some Fast and the Furious driving to get to his place, pick up the license and get back to the courthouse. 

We parked and had to run most of the way there, I gave myself a sore throat in the process because it was a bit cold out, and Logan, Jacob's best man, had to convince the lady who processes the paperwork to stay long enough or us to get there.

Logan found it incredible that we were an hour late for our own wedding and still got in by the hair of our teeth.

There was no fluffy dresses, though Roz and Jen, who also signed for us, looked very nice. We had Chinese food, cheap beer and Jameson. No cake, no flowers. Though Jacob and Logan were absolute dolls and picked some roses for me off the bushes Logan has in front of his house.

Both the girls spent all day worrying about what to wear because all their formal wear was black and they managed to show up in brown and gray, and I ruined all their efforts by showing up in black! Muahaha!

Logan got the whole thing on video, I looked very un photogenic as usual and Jacob looked like a guy out of GQ cause he knew he looked so spiffy in his vest. None of our family came and just the three friends of Jacob's and hanging out afterwards. Best. Wedding. Ever.


Description of this week: Exhausting.
Between Jacob's stupid work schedule, my class schedule and us just getting married...yea, not a lot of sleep going around.

I am surviving school so far. I am forever behind in math as usual but I have an understanding teacher and, meeting some of the students that have passed FA100, I am not too worried about getting through. I just need to cram math into my head this weekend so I can pass and move onto cramming my head with finances...yay...guh!


I thought I was soooo smart with reading and writing. And as far as most of the students in the class go, I am pretty savvy, but I glanced over some of the advanced reading and writing modules in the online study program and realized I need to take my bravado down a notch or two.

I'm still smarter than most people in my class so I'm happy.
Wow. I'm a snob.
Moving along.

My car is holding up admirably. My job search is not. But my school is proactive with EVERYTHING and are helping me out with even this. Such a nice group of people. *pat on entire school's back*

Work on my writing has come to a screeching halt. I am forcing myself to finish this and not over analyze it. I will glance over for spelling errors and make sure it flows well enough. But I will not allow myself to nit pick over it. This is a personal blog. Get. Over. Yourself.

And done.

Back In The Saddle Again!

Well, I'm back in Tucson. Hopefully for the last time but definitely for the longest time, my schooling and externship will put me here for at least a year if not more. 

The trip down was mostly uneventful besides  a flat tire on my car. It wouldn't have been too much of a problem if I'd had the right sized lug wrench but we were close to the city when it happened so Jim drove in and found one at Walmart. Now I have one for sure:)

Grim couldn't stand the idea of me possibly having another blow out and no spare, so she bought me two new ones at Big O. Don't think I'm complaining though, new tires are always good. 

The engine would act funny now and then but it made it all the way down here and haven't had a problem with it doot and toodlin around town. Hopefully I can love it up a bit, poor thing is way overdue for some serious TLC. What a trooper though, it always starts.

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I am officially enrolled at Carrington and have a couple student loans strapped on. They aren't bad though. The government covers the interest on one until six months after I am done with school. I will try to get the other one paid off while I'm going to school which is only $6,000 and the interest is fixed at 3.86 APR which is about as good as it gets as far as loans go. 

I don't have credit to get a loan anywhere else anyway and the financial aide guy said this was a good way to build my credit if I stay on top of it.

My classes are in the morning, Monday through Thursday, so I need to find a job I can work around that without frying my brain or leaving me no time to study. They have a job board at the school, will scope it out tomorrow. 

They don't have rooming but there are apartments close by there that give students a break on rent. Will look into that after I get a job locked down. I wonder if I'll end up with a roomy. Weird. 

My scrubs, books and necessities are all provided, which is nice. The people at the school are super helpful and seem genuinely interested in the student's well being and personal success. A group to throw in with, I think.

-----------------------------------------

I am finally reading Utopia. Far more clever than I thought it would be, though I wasn't sure what I was expecting.

I'm gonna make an effort to write more. Put a pin in my perfectionism, will get back to it later. Get behind me procrastination!

Also want to get back into dancing. I have the shoes, the open dance class on Fridays and I'm sure I can scrape $5 together once a week.  It's a good workout, it's good for my mood and I'm worth it:)

Wow. I'm actually going to do this. I'm going to be a Physical Therapist. 

I am so bad at this.

I really am. I want to be a writer but I allow my need for perfection to get in the way of writing even on a personal blog! What a goober. Bad TJ! Bad!

I am enrolled in a medical college...

I just want to take a moment with that, never thought I would say something like that. I feel like I could do anything now. I'll be working as a physical therapist technician but the areas of specialty 

I could get into are extensive and exciting!

My Uncle Jim has banged my poor little BMW back into shape and it's running again. Looking at it, you wouldn't be able to tell I killed Bambi with it last year.

I painted the hood a bright red even though the car is black. The fancies that strike us. Also found, not one but two mice nests in the car. Gotta love Oregon.

Grim has put me on her auto insurance so I can get a 21 day movers permit to get it down to Arizona. She is going to drive down there with me and bunk with a friend for a few weeks. She wants to feel out whether she can stay down there this Winter. We'll see.

When I get down there, I need to get Arizona plates and tags but I may stay on Grim's insurance for a while. $46 a month is hard to beat. Jim also said my engine is wearing out so my buddy and I may pull one from a yard and switch them out.

I've started doing Yoga and riding my bike regularly but have been super lazy with writing and research:/

I need to stop procrastinating through perfectionism, utter waste of time that is. I encourage others not to do that and then walk down hypocritic lane. Tsk, tsk.

I blow a kiss to the world: *smooch*
Until next time.

My car...one day.

I'm back! From outer space!

OK so it's not outer space but that would be pretty cool. A lot cooler than showing up in Oregon from Arizona.

  
You'd think showing up in Oregon from Arizona would be a cooler experience. Wrong! Humidity is making everything sticky. Bleh!

Coolest news of the moment: After nearly four agonizing years of keeping my poor, decrepit phone alive, because I refuse to pay $100 or even $50 for a smartphone, I have found the exact phone that I want for $20!

  
That's right. You know it's true, but I'm gonna say it anyway: I am amazing. Through patience and stubbornness of will; I win.

  
I am going to visit my cousin Jenny soon. Hopefully can get some advice from her on the best way to go about this whole college thing. She has been through ten years of it, she ought to know a thing or two.

  
Need to figure out what exactly I want to do for a career. Going to do some research.

  
Also need to get some ADHD meds. I get by on my vitamins but I have a feeling that they won't hold up under some serious academic focus.

Me?! Not able to hold up under serious academic pursuits on my own... or get through a text book...or watching this TV program...or focusing on this conversation we are having right now.......I'm hungry, want popsicle... mmmmm, popsicle....

Learning!!!

  I have been watching a lot of SciShow and CC (Crash Course). I love that there is a short, amusing way to learn...everything! I love the internet!

  The internet connection was acting a little funny the other day and you should have seen me flipping out. Turning it off and on again, (IT would be so proud;) ) taking the battery out, checking all the settings that I could think of. It was pathetic. 

  In the end it smoothed itself out and I continue to leach off of an open network from one of my neighbors as usual:)

  I ran out of CC US history, have to wait for them to make the next video, so I have moved onto World history. 

  Yay:) 
  
  The first video was mostly centered on the people who lived in the Indus Valley around 3000 bc. A lot of the info made me wonder who they were and why they left mysteriously and why they were so peaceful, which is suspect, sadly.

  Were the people of the Indus Valley the early Israelites? I mean before they became Israelites that is. It makes sense to me but can't be certain until the New System when we can just ask them personally.

Need to do some more research on them later.

  Last weekend I helped a friends mom move and have inherited a fish tank from the project. A full on, 30 gallon fish tank, including fish, rocks, decorations, fake plants, filter system, the works. I now have a giant night light with fish living in it.

I love you fishies...I want to live with you.

  I've always wanted a fish tank. Well, I've always wanted a fish tank that had fish in it. I've had numerous fish tanks in the past but they were usually occupied by bug or snakes or the like. 

  My mother found this habit of mine thrilling as you can imagine.

I Know It's Been Awhile...

  But I'm back.

  I am officially divorced now and have my maiden name restored. Need to go to the DMV, bank, etc. Yay, that'll be loads of fun.

  Still haven't bought a car, still riding the bus. I don't really mind riding the bus, you get to meet some very interesting people, nice people, even some really cool people.

  I've met an engineer from the Netherlands, an interpreter from Iraq and I hear dozens of different languages every week on the bus, different dialects from India, Africa, South America, the DR. I stand there and smile at them like an idiot and they try to ignore me or talk to me if I look like them.

  I am getting to the point where I wouldn't mind working less for more money, this job is good and I like the people but it is murder on my poor body. And I really wouldn't mind a job where I don't have to get up at 4:30 every morning during the week. Bluh!

  Still need to look into interpreting. Can't quite recall what that nice deaf lady at Kinko's said about that site, it was a four letter abbreviation of something to do with the local deaf set up. Need to get on that.

  I must be getting old or something. I am wanting things that are a lot more settled than I have ever been before. Things like a reliable car, maybe even a normal apartment that has a washer and dryer in it so getting laundry done doesn't have to depend on me having enough quarters to do a load.
  My god, it's finally happening. Everyone knows that I'm old, no doubt...but settled? Glegh!

  Just watched the season finale of Doctor Who:-D Saddest, most epic episode yet! 
  

  I miss River so much:( I love when he kisses her and says: "Seeing as how I am the only one who can see you, god only knows what that must have looked like." HA! True dat. I love how they were all looking around but didn't actually ask him what the heck he was doing. 

  They found a really cool actor to portray the Haunted Doctor, his face, voice, everything. I like that actor in everything I've seen him in, gonna be awesome:)

  Not sure if those faceless, toothy henchmen are as scary as the Weeping Angels or the Silence. They were very creepy, don't get me wrong but I'm not sure if there was enough build up or mystery surrounding them to make them really scary. I would even put the freaky, man eating snow men on a higher shelf as far as the creep factor goes.

  I am going to be sitting here on the edge of my seat, waiting for next season:-)

Nothing Of Note Really.

  Outside of the insanely awesome episode that I watched TWICE, you know what show I'm talking about, not a lot is going on. 

  This is mostly due to the fact that I was sick for a week and now I am sick again. This time is so bad I've had to take antibiotics, the kind that I am clearly not allergic to, due to the fact that I am not covered in hives.

  I have been watching a lot of Sci Show recently. My thirst for knowledge is making its weary way back to the front of my brain and making half hearted calls for attention. So I have been reading my biology E-book and watching Sci Show because it is more entertaining than Khan academy and yes I am that much of an ADHD riddled American, sue me.
  
  I made myself spend money on a nice Wok that came with lid and accessories. It came in the mail the other day and it reminded me of an episode of Legit where the guy ordered jeans online and came to the door for the delivery guy in his boxers, opened the box and put the jeans on before signing for them. Did I laugh at this? Yes. Did I say to myself: I would never go that far? Heck no. 

  I fully admit that America and the internet, more specifically online shopping, have developed a romance that makes Romeo and Juliet look like two dead fish that happen to be making eye contact. And as I continue to live on my own, my American tendencies are only going to get worse I can promise you.

  My bed is too soft. It's killing my back. Ah the hardships we have to endure. Woe is me.

Wait And See.

  I've never been on my own like this before. Not just time on my own, but where I have cut ties with, quite literally, my world as I have known it my whole life. 

  I feel a calm settling over me that is strange and new. 

  It isn't the numbness that always follows the pain, I guess it to be a clearing of the way so I am able to see who I am on the inside. With the cluttering of the ones who needed something to everything from me are suddenly cut off, it has left me with a quiet that I have never experienced before.
  
  For once, I am left to my own devices and there is no one to see but the eyes of the One who knows and understands everything. 

  What shall I do with this time? This freedom? Should I feel joy over this rather than shame and rejection? I feel joy and quiet. I don't waste time on grief and sadness. Though they crop up as they always shall, I will not let it ruin this time I have to myself and Jehovah.

  This is an opportunity I plan on taking full advantage of.

New Girl Is Back!!

  I'm sorry, it's just been a while. I thought the season had wrapped up so I wasn't checking on it for several weeks and now there is an episode buildup. :) Every episode makes me laugh my ass off, I love it!
    
  In other news; I found two things that I want: A Craftsman rolling tool box and a Kitchenaide mixer. 

  Are these things related? Absolutely not. I am getting the Craftsman for $100, which is unheard of! I have been looking for one of these for a good price for a couple years now and my patience has paid off as usual.

 The Kitchenaide is for a good price as well, it's a professional series so I can buy a bunch of fancy attachments later if I want and the price is $40 more than a new basic one at Walmart. 

  Don't know how I would top that. I'm sure I could, but I'm sure I would be 50 when that comes around.

  I digress: I am amazing. That is all.

Hello There

  

   Here I will write to you, whoever you are, whoever is reading. I'm sure you will find my grammar and punctuation just as atrocious as ever. ;)

  

  Right now I am living in a studio apartment in Tucson AZ, no roommates or pets, just me and a pile of books and a laptop.

   

  I don't have a car but I take the bus to work. I spend most of my off time reading, writing and watching TV. Not exciting but I am okay with slow right now, get the rest in while I can.

  

  I'll be going to Oregon on Thursday the 4th of April to get my stuff wrapped up there; sell or figure out what to do with my cars, get rid of anything I don't really need and pack up the stuff I do. I'll be sitting down and talking with family about what has been going on in my life recently as well. Yay.

  

  I can't write about any of the crazy stuff that has been going on because it involves other people's private business but I can talk about the everyday events that are going on.

    Later I will be able to talk about more, maybe.

  

  That's all for now. I love you and am going to miss you more than I can say. But then, you know that.